It’s Been Awhile

I haven’t updated this blog for a while. I’m not big on “woe is me I’ve got no time” excuses but here are a few reasons why I’ve neglected this (none of which are “woe is me”):

Guitar. After years of regretting not learning guitar, I’m finally taking lessons. My friend Dave’s wife Jill is hooking my son and I up. She’s also throwing the ‘friend price’ our way. She’s aces. I don’t practice as much as I should, but I’m doing ok. I can play Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Eat that Johnny Ramone.

Reading. So far this year I’ve read 6 good books and 1 lousy one. Book number 8 is almost finished. My wife loves to read so we spend a lot of evenings just reading after the kids are asleep. We’re nerds. It’s part of my never-ending quest to eliminate television from my life (sports being the exception).

Typing. I type with 2 fingers. What takes most people a minute to type will take me 5. This post alone will end up taking a good 30 minutes to type. It’s sad. Wish I’d taken a typing class but I thought it was a fad. Who knew.

So those are a few reasons why this hasn’t been updated properly. No excuses, just an explanation.

You know you want to…

Ask me anything http://www.formspring.me/jheyer13

Here’s how we “work”

Link to the music video we shot last Friday at work.

Winter Dunderland

The only thing I hate worse than winter itself are the dunderhead weather reporters that treat 3″ of forecasted snow like it’s the Mayan’s 2012. Look, I get it. Your newscast needs ratings and what better way to garner them than to strike fear and panic into the elderly and the gullible.

But here’s the rub. You don’t have to bring the doom and gloom. The news anchors are taking care of that with overly-dramatic-we’re-all-going-to-die-there-isn’t-a-kind-person-in-the-world stories on the economy, health care, death rates, wars and so much more.

So do us a favor. Put a dopey smile on your face and report the weather without getting all Glenn Beck on us. Leave the nauseating fake drama to the talking heads.

Oh, and one more thing. Get back in the studio. Doing your forecast from the station’s “back yard” was something fresh, new and exciting in 1983.

What I Know

Yes, I’ve changed the name of the blog (and the layout). With fall here and winter around the corner all blogs will be posted from the basement instead of the porch. I miss the porch…

When I started blogging (which wasn’t that long ago) I thought it’d be pretty easy to find things to “blog” about. For some people I’m sure it is. For me? No.

After reading my fair share of articles re: blogging, they all had one piece of advice in common: “blog about something you know a lot about”. Therein lies the problem. There are 2 types of people in the world. Those who know a lot about a little, and those who know a little about a lot. I know a little about a lot. So once I’ve posted about a certain topic that pretty much sums up my knowledge on said topic. That leaves me with a blog that doesn’t have any rhyme or reason. Just post after post about different things. Pure gibberish.

Here’s what I do know:

Right now I have heartburn.

Cheap booze tastes better than cheap cigarettes.

Hardcore punk will always sound better than pop punk.

What I don’t know will forever trump what I do know.

I’d rather argue politics with a right-wing extremist than argue bedtime with my 3 year-old.

I’ve never used algebra in the “real world”.

My wife will always, ALWAYS, make things more difficult for herself than she needs to.

The Bud Light “Tailgate Tested, Tailgate Approved” commercials will never get old. Ever.

“Woot Woot” is worse than “Who Let The Dogs Out?”. Much, much worse.

Stephen Hawking would make a better broadcaster than Troy Aikman.

Taco Bell is better than Taco John's.

Tobias “Toby” Maguire makes a lousy Spider-Man.

I still don’t want to grow up.

When I was in High School “going green” meant something completely different, and it wasn’t encouraged.

I miss pagers.

Roger Moore was the best James Bond.

The History Channel should change its name to The Hitlery Channel.

ESPN is a far cry from what it once was. Thanks Disney.

That’s all I got for now, thanks for checking this out. Until next time…

If Momma Ain’t Happy

Whoever coined the phrase “If momma ain’t happy, no one’s happy” should have included a warning about dropping said phrase in front of momma.

12 Insanely Titled Books

Yet Another 12 Insanely Titled Books From Oddee.com.

Unusual Deaths

I’m a big “list” guy. I’m also a big “unusual deaths” guy (dark, I know). The way I look at it, the stranger the death the more you deserved it. So this list is a match made in Heaven.

List includes:

• Crushed by War Elephant
• Molten silver poured in eyes
• Beaten to death with one’s own wooden leg
• Death by robot and many more…

Enjoy, sicko.

Laying Bare One’s Mind: 11/08/09

The Gambler, The Hoff, H1N1, Walmart and Aerosmith are included in this edition. Hope you enjoy:

I’m kind of a “save the best for last” guy, but there’s no way I can hold off posting the worst Kenny Rogers pieces of art. I’m only human.

I’m a big Johnny Cash fan. I bought the Walk The Line dvd when it first came out. I still haven’t watched it.

I’ve got your swine flu cure right here.

Is anyone else bored with NFL throwback jerseys?

You stay classy Walmart. Why stop now.

Bluetooth headsets neither are, or ever were cool. Just saying.

Tomorrow marks the 20th Anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall. I’ll never understand why this isn’t a more celebrated occasion every year. I’ll continue to blame David Hasselhoff and his electric jacket for that. Here are some pics of the construction and destruction of said wall.

I find my wife’s Hello Kitty obsession kind of sexy. Weird huh?

Steven Tyler is quitting Aerosmith. The band is considering finding a replacement. Run-DMC should be at the top of the list.

Until next time…

 

The Basement

Another night in the basement. Surrounded but alone. Unwatched DVD’s wonder why they were purchased. Over played CD’s wonder why I don’t get out more. A miniature kitchen here. An unwatched television there. The only things that get my attention are 12 ounces of aluminum or  1.75 liters of plastic.

Guitars not strung. Lights burnt out. A dartboard void of darts. The posters on the wall represent who I was 6 years ago. There are video games I don’t remember playing. I’ve got an inhaler next to me because I smoke too much, and this laptop isn’t even mine.

A pumpkin, a mailbox and a shopping cart are a few examples of the schizophrenia that this basement represents, but it’s home. A place where memories are made and sometimes forgotten. You can have your 3 season porch or your entertainment room with hi-def tv’s and surround sound. I’ll take my lonely, messy, lived in, dank, dark, grimy basement any day.